Motivation on Monday… but it’s Friday. And then it’s Monday again. Really?

8/7/2017 –

Tis is Monday and it is a Full Moon tonight when the Leo Sun opposes the Moon in Aquarius. This Full Moon is also a partial Lunar Eclipse. Lunar Eclipses are about relationships and polarities.  It is an emotional time—a time of romance, fertilization, and relationships.

Is this why shit has been so muhfckn funky lately?

 

8/8/2017 –

During the Full Moon last night, I did not sleep shit and I was so fucking restless! I haven’t slept well in quite a few nights and I am just mentally exhausted. While supposedly there is really no concrete evidence that the Full Moon affects our sleep, I swear I am pretty restless during the Full Moons despite that I do not always keep tabs on the Moon phases.  When I have remembered to check after a night of restlessness, the moon is usually in waxing gibbons or full.

Also, It has been two fucking weeks since the last time I got laid, and maybe a week or so since I last masturbated. In a funk much?

 

8/9/2017 –

Last night’s sleep was no better than the night before.  I am trying to figure out what is going on.

 

8/10/2017 –

My mind and thoughts are all over the fucking place today.  Work is hectic and huge priority for me, today it is really taking a toll on my patience. I have lacked on my water intake, and I want all the carbs and all the sweets. Le sigh! On a lighter note, I got invited to play with an older couple who are in the lifestyle, an attractive ass older couple in Kissimmee. While it sounds like a great fucking time, I need a little more time before I accept the invite. Seeing as though I am still married and all. Oh, yeah, that part!

The way that this blog has panned out for me is not how I intended, yes, I have already voiced that and I felt like voicing it again.  This is actually a bit more work than I imagined it to be.  I also consistently ask myself if anyone really wants to read the shit I have to share? I mean, life is fucking interesting man. People are fucking weird. Shit happens and at the end of the day, it is what it is. But I happen to find myself drawn to reading about people and their real life situations.  The things that most people keep hidden about themselves, the dark and seedy, controversial topics.

8/11/2017 –

Tis it is Friyaayy! I am at work and absolutely motivated today. Mercury goes into retrograde tomorrow at  Virgo and ends 9/5/2017 at Leo.  I have no idea what this means, but I am however aware of the changes in the  universe in this time, aware as in I feel them.  I feel optimistic and positive and I need to keep this momentum going.  This weekend I plan on filling it with healthy foods, lots of water, copious amounts of orgasms regardless if I am coupled or masturbating, zero shame in admitting that. I’d like to do a home and spiritual /  aura cleansing this weekend so time to go pick up some Nag Champa, candles and some flowers. – With my weekend 1 hour around the corner, I am happy and I will not allow anyone to rain on my fucking parade.  Happy for organic ass reasons and that’s that shit I like.  I’m broke, I have less than 2 grams of pot in my grinder and it’s Friday.  Why the fuck ain’t I allowed to be happy? I am! I totally am!   For anyone that stuck through and is reading this because they find it interesting, thank you. I’m trying to get Instagram and possibly a Tumblr going to coordinate with this, but need to be cautious because some or a lot of the content will be NSFW, or at least not completely follow PG or PG-13 rules. You cam never say you weren’t warned. I’m a hardcore supporter of expression, however you’re moved to express. The reality is not everyone in a low cut or crop top is looking for attention, we get dressed to feel good and look at our reflection, I’m keeping it real right now.

 

8/14/2017

Tis is another Monday! It has now officially been over a week that I have been writing and  not posting… Almost as if it’s journal.  Whatever. I promise to get better at this, just hang in there.

 

For now,  Later Lovies…
XOXO – always offensively yours- D

 

 

WTF… 

07/24/2017 – 1:20pm –

I could start by taking a screen shot of the heated exchanges that took place between 7/20/2017 and 7/23/2017- but I won’t even go there. Honestly, created drama kills me. Drama is always there, it is a factor of life. I think sometimes drama is really a reaction.  Control how you react to things and it changes the game in its entirety.

Communication is key.  J and I communicate like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.  She allows me to be the person I want to be, the better version of me. I know that this person I am will also improve. I know how my mind works. I am truly at my best when I am inspired, when I have a muse. I mean, aren’t we all?

 

——- Welp! —– fast forward 8/4/2017 11:10am

 

This is not how I planned this blog to pan out but you know, shit happens.

People lie. Dan Savage always talks about the price of admission and how we present our ideal selves. While I do think people present their ideal selves, they do nothing to represent those best versions of themselves. I can look in the mirror and acknowledge that while I am sometimes quite difficult to deal with; I am in general, a very happy person that wants nothing more than to be surrounded by positive and happy people.  J lied to me. She was never stable, not in her personal life, family life, professional life nor mentally or physiologically stable. My last 11 days have been filled with complete emotional madness! In these 11 days I have totally felt every emotion known to the soul and surrounding yourself with clinically, majorly depressed people, even if it is just one person with these issues, can take a toll on your emotional health. This is no Bueno in my book.  I had to tell J that I am stepping away because this is not how I wanted to carry on a relationship.  The exchange got pretty heated and my final words were: “I am blocking you.” Thank fucking god for the iPhone and the ability to block numbers you no longer wish to receive call or texts from.

It has taken me a few days to center and realign myself after this bad romance.

Today after work, I go for an additional trim on my hair and taking a mini trip to CVS for a brow pencil that’s on sale and a 30% off on top. Mutually eating and buying my feelings today and I am okay with this. Tomorrow, I’ll get back on track, gym at 8am.

Now, off to finish my Friday..

Later Lovies…

XOXO – always offensively yours- D

**** started this on 7/24/2017 – thought that I finished it up and posted it on 8/4/2017 –  but that was not the case – I saved the draft and didn’t post it on accident.  So here I am posting this on  8/7/2017 –

 

 

And as the world turns, so do the days of our lives…

So yesterday, (7/19/2017) at about 4:15 PM, I pretty much totaled my damn vehicle.  Le sigh!

I had this general idea of how low key I planed to live life for these next 6 months.  I have every intention of separating with my husband when our lease is up next year. I have 8 months to go, and now this throws a complete wrench in my game.  I do not have the money for another car nor could I afford to get into a payment at this moment.

The world keeps turning, we keep living, and we survive and we get through it.  Some days, it’s hard to keep the positivity going when you feel like life keeps testing your faith and patience.  About one centimeter close to losing my religion. As if I had any to begin with but you know what I’m saying.

So yesterday, after all the drama surrounding my MVA, I totally just wanted to go home and smoke a bowl or thirty, and just give it one good cry. I told J that I needed a moment.  I took two Benadryl, cooked dinner for the husband and the stepson, and went to sleep. J  texted a few times as I was asleep. Last text from her was ” I’m backing off, goodnight”.  When I finally woke up, I promptly responded to her texts but got no response from her for about an hour. I took two more Benadryl, smoked another bowl and went back to sleep.  I then woke at 1 am to my cell ringing and it was her. 19 texts, and a phone call. Miscommunication, texts that truly convey no emotion and a killer need to see each other prompted this 1 am phone call that woke me like the fucking cops were knocking on the door.

Upset at the fact that we gave each other no reassurance at the end of out texts.

I feed off of vibes, not only have I just totaled my car. my pride is fucking hurt. I am thankful to the powers that be that no one was hurt and that the receiving vehicle has minimal damage. I just needed a moment.

If you say to me “I’m backing off, Goodnight”, and a few hours passes by. I text you that I was sleeping. No answer. So I say “Goodnight”. I missed out on adding my usual, “Te Adoro”, but baby so did you. Does this mean that I no longer adore you? Does this mean that I no longer care? No, it most certainly does not.

I am not a fan of repeating myself or dealing with severe insecurities.  I can only offer so much reassurance before I feel like I am starting to sound like a fucking broken record.  If you are not willing to take this reassurance; at that point, it is no longer a problem of mine. The problem belongs to you and you need to reevaluate why you’re feeling so insecure. – I mean I get it, I truly believe in the existence of multiple truths. No two people experiencing the same thing will feel exactly the same way about it. Yet, both experiences are certainly true and valid. Also, multiple truths don’t have to cancel one another or compete. They can coexist. It’s another view point, another truth. Take it for what it is. Respect it. I respect it and something I try to always do.

After the 1 am phone call, I have text her 4 times, the last one being 2 hours ago and I have not received a response as of yet.  Patience is a virtue and I have never had patience as one of my strong suites, yet for J, I happen to have all the patience in the world. –

Work next week is hella busy, I have an in office procedure on Tuesday and am working from the dermatologist office on Wednesday. I need to collect my thoughts. Prepare for the week.

Later Lovies-

XOXO –  always offensively yours- D

 

written – 7/20/2017 – 7/21/2017

posted – 7/24/2017

 

All Over The Place Today

8:54 AM – Wednesday, July 19. 2017 –  And I am all over the place today.  I slept like shit.  At 2:38 AM I was packing a bowl into the bong and I took a Norco because my cramps are so insanely painful this month.  Today I am so bloated – and all I want is rough, savage sex and chocolate – ” Sex and Candy”. Yup, that pretty much sums it up.

It has been a gloomy and rainy week. My office at work has one side of it with floor to ceiling windows and I stare at the gloomy sky all day. Watching the clouds fade the sunshine in and out.  I have all the feels and want nothing more than to be coddled by my girlfriend. Laying on the couch wrapped up in her while she rubs my tummy and soothes my cramps. I am one needy ass bitch this morning, fuuuuuck.

I am at a loss for words today. My thoughts are being processed too quickly. I am overwhelmed by absolutely nothing and yet everything all at the same time.  I imagine that this is what it kind of feels like when you have ADD/ADHD.  I  haven’t seen my girlfriend, let’s call her J, in over 24 hours. You know the joke is that it’s like 7 years in lesbian time. Whatever though, it is what it is.

Nothing in life is a guarantee and I knew what dating a married woman would potentially be like, especially if she has kids.

Why would I want to date someone who themselves is not attached? I am not fond of an uneven playing field. I want this to work out but saying that is like saying I want my cake and I also want to eat it.  How dare I?

Fun Fact # 2: I do as I please. Very few things in this life can actually control me. I am open an honest about that very fact.

It has taken me an almost 6 hour work day to type this, and I’ve almost had nothing really interesting to say. Maybe tomorrow will be better and I’ll have tons to say.

Hasta manana mi gente!

 

XOXO –  always offensively yours- D

 

 

The First Introduction.

So here we are today, Tuesday, July 18, 2017 and finally, two years after deciding that I think I should blog, finally we have a first post.  While I would love to be proper about formatting, I am no journalist and did not take formal training on such so all I can offer is proper spelling; maybe. With that being said, Welcome!
To be vague here is a small intro of my shtick: Mid 30’s married, kid-free Femme.  Married straight, yet I identified as Bisexual and as time goes on even though I am still attracted to males; I find myself at moments just absolutely gayer than a bag full of plastic dicks.
C’est la vie!
7 years into marriage the illusion has completely faded, I am no longer in love and feel as though I still have such a life to live that I no longer want to be “tied down” and identifying as a married woman. Or, maybe I wouldn’t feel this way if my significant other wouldn’t get all up in his feelings over a craving for pussy. These cravings or desires if you may, are constant for me. They have been present inside of me since as far back as I can remember and they have never gone away. Naturally, we long for those things that are not easily accessible, it is the nature of the beast.
While I have maintained some relationships outside of my marriage, I have not had a steady “girlfriend” in over 4 years.  I have recently met someone, not sure how it will play out but I am curious to find out.  Let’s hope the curiosity does not kill me in the same fashion as the cat. And let me not forget to mention that when it rains it pours.  I just recently came clean to a friend that I was sexually attracted to her and she reciprocated.
So here I am craving pussy like a 15 year old boy that can’t even get a text back and now two women have my attention. Not fucking cool. Again, when it rains, it pours.
What fucking gives? Who knows but, I keep mentioning that I am curious to find out.
I need, want and crave a certain feeling that I haven’t felt in so long.  Her hair, the way she smells, the feel of her soft skin against mine, the way she stops mid breath and lets out a slight sigh. Her moaning as I reach inside and pull at her from the center of her soul, and a release so intense it drains your very existence. As I type this I am absolutely, disgustingly turned on. I should be working but here I am blogging my first entry and wondering if it will be a productive day or not? Will I sneak off to FetLife.com or Tumblr to perv long enough for a quick orgasm?  Or will I behave today? All I know is that today, I am unfocused, hungry, horny, and just all over the fckng place; excuse my French.

Fun Fact # 1: I curse like a sailor. Pick a subject, pick a language.  I know all the ways to say “Fuck You”.  Not proud of it at all if you were to really ask me about it but what can I say.  It probably doesn’t really bother me that much because I have never made a conscious effort to change this detail about myself. So to that I say, I never mean to offend but vulgar language will make a regular appearance around these parts.

This short first post is a basics, but it doesn’t cover it all. So stick around and learn more. From this I plan chronicling daily life.  Journaling my way to a better understanding of myself and my thoughts. How they vary from moment to moment and the feelings that accompany those thoughts.

It’s Tuesday, I  haven’t received any pictures for Titty Tuesday and no one is sucking on my toes right now.  I’m off  finish working and ordering lunch because we know what really takes precedence here.

Take care guys, and remember, you’re responsible for someone’s orgasm this morning while they masturbated thinking of you.

 

XOXO –  always offensively yours- D