Well, it ain’t the end of the day yet, but damn am I looking forward to it. Another sleepless night and at about 2:45am, I am in the bathroom rolling a joint to smoke in my newly gifted joint roller. I smoked off this joint on and off three times over the course of an hour and when it was all said and done, I still wasn’t relaxed enough to get some decent sleep. I’ve been suffering insomnia for at least the last 15 days no bullshit. I. Am. Fucking. Over. It. Tonight, my plans are a 1mg Xanax at 10:30pm, the halfway point of the Leah Remini: Scientology And The Aftermath.
Fun Fact: I watch very little to no television. Three years ago I attempted Scandal and downed the first three seasons over the course of three weeks on Netflix. Started season 4 on FX when it came back on and actually finished it but didn’t even attempt season 5 and gave up. Prior to that, I tried to watch Weeds, a decade late, but only got three seasons of that in before losing interest. Don’t judge me because the boob tube has just never done it for me. I’m rambling but I am looking really forward to this new season of this show and tonight is the night.
I did end up watching the new season of Leah Remini: Scientology And The Aftermath, it started at 9pm and I was under the impression that it was at 10pm – so that made me happy. At 10:30pm, I took a 1mg Xanax and did fall asleep but do not remember the time, and as per the usual as of late, I popped up at 2:30am, sweating like a marathon runner. I tried to sleep on the couch, but it was a losing battle.
So it has been quite a while and with plenty of explanation.
My life is about to make a drastic change. After 8 years of marriage, I decided to get up and leave and have been doing so for the past 3 to 4 weeks. I am still going through the personal motions. Despite all it’s discomfort and unhappiness, married life was fucking comfortable and complacent. I BROKE. I’M DONE. THROUGH WITH IT. The only thing left in my apartment is my clothes and my toiletries in the bathroom, I should be moved out by the weekend.
Something inside of me is absolutely devastated despite not really crying a tear and yet I feel so optimistic. The lack of sleep hasn’t completely resolved but I feel that good things are to come, I just have to work towards it.