Sleepless In Tampa, so what’s new?

08/15/2017

Well, it ain’t the end of the day yet, but damn am I looking forward to it.  Another sleepless night and at about 2:45am, I am in the bathroom rolling a joint to smoke in my newly gifted joint roller. I smoked off this joint on and off three times over the course of an hour and when it was all said and done, I still wasn’t relaxed enough to get some decent sleep. I’ve been suffering insomnia for at least the last 15 days no bullshit.  I. Am. Fucking. Over. It.  Tonight, my plans are a 1mg Xanax at 10:30pm, the halfway point of the Leah Remini: Scientology And The Aftermath.

Fun Fact: I watch very little to no television.  Three years ago I attempted Scandal and downed the first three seasons over the course of three weeks on Netflix. Started season 4 on FX when it came back on and actually finished it but didn’t even attempt season 5 and gave up.  Prior to that, I tried to watch Weeds, a decade late, but only got three seasons of that in before losing interest. Don’t judge me because the boob tube has just never done it for me.  I’m rambling but I am looking really forward to this new season of this show and tonight is the night.

 

08/16/2017

I did end up watching the new season of Leah Remini: Scientology And The Aftermath, it started at 9pm and I was under the impression that it was at 10pm – so that made me happy. At 10:30pm, I took a 1mg Xanax and did fall asleep but do not remember the time, and as per the usual as of late, I popped up at 2:30am, sweating like a marathon runner. I tried to sleep on the couch, but it was a losing battle.


 

09/19/2017 –

So it has been quite a while and with plenty of explanation.

My life is about to make a drastic change. After 8 years of marriage, I decided to get  up and leave and have been doing so for the past 3 to 4 weeks.  I am still going through the personal motions. Despite all it’s discomfort and unhappiness, married life was fucking comfortable and complacent. I BROKE. I’M DONE. THROUGH WITH IT. The only thing left in my apartment is my clothes and my toiletries in the bathroom, I should be moved out by the weekend.

Something inside of me is absolutely devastated despite not really crying a tear and yet I feel so optimistic. The lack of sleep hasn’t completely resolved but I feel that good things are to come, I just have to work towards it.

 

 

 

 


 

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Motivation on Monday… but it’s Friday. And then it’s Monday again. Really?

8/7/2017 –

Tis is Monday and it is a Full Moon tonight when the Leo Sun opposes the Moon in Aquarius. This Full Moon is also a partial Lunar Eclipse. Lunar Eclipses are about relationships and polarities.  It is an emotional time—a time of romance, fertilization, and relationships.

Is this why shit has been so muhfckn funky lately?

 

8/8/2017 –

During the Full Moon last night, I did not sleep shit and I was so fucking restless! I haven’t slept well in quite a few nights and I am just mentally exhausted. While supposedly there is really no concrete evidence that the Full Moon affects our sleep, I swear I am pretty restless during the Full Moons despite that I do not always keep tabs on the Moon phases.  When I have remembered to check after a night of restlessness, the moon is usually in waxing gibbons or full.

Also, It has been two fucking weeks since the last time I got laid, and maybe a week or so since I last masturbated. In a funk much?

 

8/9/2017 –

Last night’s sleep was no better than the night before.  I am trying to figure out what is going on.

 

8/10/2017 –

My mind and thoughts are all over the fucking place today.  Work is hectic and huge priority for me, today it is really taking a toll on my patience. I have lacked on my water intake, and I want all the carbs and all the sweets. Le sigh! On a lighter note, I got invited to play with an older couple who are in the lifestyle, an attractive ass older couple in Kissimmee. While it sounds like a great fucking time, I need a little more time before I accept the invite. Seeing as though I am still married and all. Oh, yeah, that part!

The way that this blog has panned out for me is not how I intended, yes, I have already voiced that and I felt like voicing it again.  This is actually a bit more work than I imagined it to be.  I also consistently ask myself if anyone really wants to read the shit I have to share? I mean, life is fucking interesting man. People are fucking weird. Shit happens and at the end of the day, it is what it is. But I happen to find myself drawn to reading about people and their real life situations.  The things that most people keep hidden about themselves, the dark and seedy, controversial topics.

8/11/2017 –

Tis it is Friyaayy! I am at work and absolutely motivated today. Mercury goes into retrograde tomorrow at  Virgo and ends 9/5/2017 at Leo.  I have no idea what this means, but I am however aware of the changes in the  universe in this time, aware as in I feel them.  I feel optimistic and positive and I need to keep this momentum going.  This weekend I plan on filling it with healthy foods, lots of water, copious amounts of orgasms regardless if I am coupled or masturbating, zero shame in admitting that. I’d like to do a home and spiritual /  aura cleansing this weekend so time to go pick up some Nag Champa, candles and some flowers. – With my weekend 1 hour around the corner, I am happy and I will not allow anyone to rain on my fucking parade.  Happy for organic ass reasons and that’s that shit I like.  I’m broke, I have less than 2 grams of pot in my grinder and it’s Friday.  Why the fuck ain’t I allowed to be happy? I am! I totally am!   For anyone that stuck through and is reading this because they find it interesting, thank you. I’m trying to get Instagram and possibly a Tumblr going to coordinate with this, but need to be cautious because some or a lot of the content will be NSFW, or at least not completely follow PG or PG-13 rules. You cam never say you weren’t warned. I’m a hardcore supporter of expression, however you’re moved to express. The reality is not everyone in a low cut or crop top is looking for attention, we get dressed to feel good and look at our reflection, I’m keeping it real right now.

 

8/14/2017

Tis is another Monday! It has now officially been over a week that I have been writing and  not posting… Almost as if it’s journal.  Whatever. I promise to get better at this, just hang in there.

 

For now,  Later Lovies…
XOXO – always offensively yours- D

 

 

WTF… 

07/24/2017 – 1:20pm –

I could start by taking a screen shot of the heated exchanges that took place between 7/20/2017 and 7/23/2017- but I won’t even go there. Honestly, created drama kills me. Drama is always there, it is a factor of life. I think sometimes drama is really a reaction.  Control how you react to things and it changes the game in its entirety.

Communication is key.  J and I communicate like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.  She allows me to be the person I want to be, the better version of me. I know that this person I am will also improve. I know how my mind works. I am truly at my best when I am inspired, when I have a muse. I mean, aren’t we all?

 

——- Welp! —– fast forward 8/4/2017 11:10am

 

This is not how I planned this blog to pan out but you know, shit happens.

People lie. Dan Savage always talks about the price of admission and how we present our ideal selves. While I do think people present their ideal selves, they do nothing to represent those best versions of themselves. I can look in the mirror and acknowledge that while I am sometimes quite difficult to deal with; I am in general, a very happy person that wants nothing more than to be surrounded by positive and happy people.  J lied to me. She was never stable, not in her personal life, family life, professional life nor mentally or physiologically stable. My last 11 days have been filled with complete emotional madness! In these 11 days I have totally felt every emotion known to the soul and surrounding yourself with clinically, majorly depressed people, even if it is just one person with these issues, can take a toll on your emotional health. This is no Bueno in my book.  I had to tell J that I am stepping away because this is not how I wanted to carry on a relationship.  The exchange got pretty heated and my final words were: “I am blocking you.” Thank fucking god for the iPhone and the ability to block numbers you no longer wish to receive call or texts from.

It has taken me a few days to center and realign myself after this bad romance.

Today after work, I go for an additional trim on my hair and taking a mini trip to CVS for a brow pencil that’s on sale and a 30% off on top. Mutually eating and buying my feelings today and I am okay with this. Tomorrow, I’ll get back on track, gym at 8am.

Now, off to finish my Friday..

Later Lovies…

XOXO – always offensively yours- D

**** started this on 7/24/2017 – thought that I finished it up and posted it on 8/4/2017 –  but that was not the case – I saved the draft and didn’t post it on accident.  So here I am posting this on  8/7/2017 –